Has your heart ever been shattered? Maybe it was a broken relationship, a wayward child, or a devastating diagnosis that crushed your soul; whatever it was, suffering can have serious long-term effects on the heart. It’s like someone’s taken a sledgehammer to your soul, leaving you feeling more dead than alive---and sometimes not noticing the difference.
Death can mean:
- We stop caring
- We shut down emotionally
- We isolate
- We become cynical or sarcastic
Every once and a while something may happen to stir us, reminding us of the distant passions we’ve boxed up and put on the shelf in the name of broken dreams. But for the most part, we live flat, never taking risks and never stepping outside the box.
Then there’s God. He usually gets a bad rap for our suffering. He gets blamed when we can’t answer the “why” questions. But maybe it’s not why we should be asking---maybe it’s what.
I feel like I’ve had a fair amount of suffering, but in the process I discovered a couple key things that turned things around for me. The first is that if I keep focusing on the whys of my suffering, I’m fighting the wrong battle. Even though we all want to know why this or that happened---we may never, so what’s the point of wasting so much time and negative energy doing something that has no payoff?
Instead of staying stuck in the why, I decided to try something different--- I started looking at what my suffering was accomplishing in me, and if I was willing to be personally responsive to how God was leading me in and through it. Here are some of the things I considered about suffering:
- It creates dependence
- It weans me from worldly things
- It makes me more other focused
- It reveals what I really love
- It reveals God’s glory
Last year I got a severe case of the flu. I suffered every bodily ache and pain imaginable for 2 weeks. I was so sick I couldn’t even get out of bed to get myself a necessary glass of water to break my raging fever. I was totally helpless. I had to depend on others to care for me, and in that dependence, I was blessed.
Suffering shifted my focus. I wasn’t all worked up about how I looked, that I hadn’t washed my hair, or that I’d get cellulite from not working out for 2 weeks! In my suffering I wasn’t focused on worldly things.
My suffering also got me thinking about how others suffer everyday. I thought of Joni Eareckson Tada, who has been a quadriplegic for decades, and how she deals with her illness with such grace and courage. I felt grateful I hadn’t been called to suffer like that.
Perhaps the most important thing my suffering taught me was how much time I spend worrying about things that have little eternal significance. I realized that only one thing was necessary wherever I find myself --- bringing glory to God. If I’m careful to look closely, I’ll find that even in the difficult places, I can experience life--- I only have to choose.
I appreciate this post. Deep sorrow has been a part of my life since Mother’s Day when my oldest child was taken home, ending 29 yrs of pain for her. I don’t ask why because I believe in God’s sovereignty and I know it is a waste of my energy. But working through the grief presents daily challenges for myself and my family. When I read a post like this one, I know that He has placed it here for my benefit. I am continually learning to lean fully on Him. Thank you…
Thank you Anne. I am so very sorry for your loss. Grief work is very difficult, but praise God you have had the courage to do it! If you have some time, I have lots of helps on my website for grief and loss. My podcast show has hosted many episodes on loss. You can use the sidebar and scroll by topic. Also, you can read the first chapter of my book on loss there too. The book will be out next Fall. I am praying for you right now. rita
Thank you, Rita for the info about your site. I will definitely pour a cup of coffee and spend some time here 🙂
I was seriously injured in a car crash 10 years ago in which a drunk driver hit two cars, mine was one. The child in the car in front of me was killed, and the driver was eventually convicted of 2nd degree murder and other charges and sentenced to 29 years in prison. I had just been recently divorced. I was filled with anger over the divorce and then I suffered greatly at the hands of another man! For ten years, I have lived with bitterness, anger, cynicism, and pure hatred. I was diagnosed in 2008 with breast cancer and after radiation and surgery, am considered in remission. I am grateful for that. My emotional state of mind has paralyzed me, creating health problems and the inability to work. Recently, I’ve been receiving counseling and am slowly coming to the conclusion that all the anger and hatred is only hurting me and learning ways on how to deal with it, to get rid of it, forever! So I very much appreciate your post which made me stop and ask myself the same questions you posed. I’ve alway believed God saved me that day for a purpose, but have never seem to let go of the bitterness to try to find out. So, I intend to think more about what God has in store for me and how I can use all I’ve gone through to bring glory to Him! So thank you for posting such a message that maybe God meant for me to find!
Sherry. I am so very sorry for the losses you have had. You have been through so much trauma. I am so glad you are receiving help, and yes, realizing that the anger and bitterness are only hurting you is a powerful first step toward healing. May the Lord continue to be all he has promised to be for you as you continue your journey. Maybe you would like to be a guest on my podcast show next year? rita
Thank you Rita! I didn’t tell you everything in a public post, but suffice it to say, sometimes I just look up and think “how have I survived”. and the answer is God! I might consider being a podcast guest, if you can give me some more information. I have tried sharing parts of my story by speaking to high schools and other community events via MADD, but I am no longer a part of MADD. I just always believed God wanted me to do that.
listen to my show with Tereasa Sours on under Heartline Podcast you will get a feel for what we’re doing. blessings
rita, you surely must have walked in the fiery trials that test your soul. i can tell by your gentleness and the humility you have in your blogs and responses you give your readers. i am committed to pray daily for your own restoration and complete healing of the wounds you have endured as you have walked after christ for so many years. i pray for intimacy within your family that you may experience all that god has spoken into your heart. stay the course, this is a great platform for you to use your gifts. i want an autographed copy of your book when it is in print. blessings, charlie
How kind of you Charlie, and what a blessing to know someone special is lifting me up before the Father. You got it— the book will be released next Fall. Tnx for following
I’m visiting on the come to the table hop. I’ve been suffering with a chronic illness and been feeling more down about it lately. It’s a good reminder that we need to stop asking why me and start focusing on what we can learn from this. And there are a lot of people who have it way worse.
I’m so sorry for your pain Veronica. Please don’t ever minimize it. It’s very real for you. But keep moving forward and place your energy into what can be redeemed from your suffering and your story. The lives you most assuredly can touch just by your witness in your suffering. I know you will be an encouragement to the broken. blessings rita
“COMFORT, COMFORT My people, says your God” (Isaiah 40:1). Your post tied in perfectly with my 10/15/12 post on COMFORT: “Sometimes I Just Need Someone With Skin On Them”. We don’t know why there seems to be so much sickness and pain in the world around us. Sometimes we just need someone who we can see, relate to because we gone through the same thing! We are ‘blessed to be a blessing’ and most assuredly, we must be COMFORTED by God to be a COMFORT tp others around us.
Thx Mel. I visited your site too. Great work!
I visited your site Mel and read that great job.
“we may never, so what’s the point of wasting so much time and negative energy doing something that has no payoff?” Just had this very thing said to me today over trying to understand a toxic relationship and why it turned out the way it did….I may never get the answer and must move on to the next season of freedom. Thanks, Rita, for a timely message!!!
Thanks Dixie. Proud of you for putting it into action! It’s easy to say but hard for us to do.
What an awesome insight from your times of suffering! Everyone suffers in one way or another. In this life it’s inevitable. Just the other day I was thinking over my own life and realizing that if I changed some of the suffering I’ve had, I would not be the same person. Nor would I really know how dependent on God I am. In the light of eternity and character development, suffering is valuable. Not fun, but a stepping stone to bring us to God in a much fuller way.
Thanks so much Pastor Sherry for your insights. Suffering can certainly grow us up if we are willing to allow it to be our tutor.