Rejection by Johnna Leach

Written by Johnna Leach – April 5, 2012

Beauty from Ashes

I have spent the last 2 days starting this blog only to hit the backspace key and start it over again, and again…why can’t I get this out of first gear? I feel like I get it going and when I start to let the clutch out *BAM* I pop the clutch and stall and have to start all over again, (Is it obvious I ride a motorcycle!).

Well, I’ve finally figured out why I keep stalling. This subject is far too close to home and kinda like hugging a porcupine, it pricks and stings. And quite honestly who wants to talk about rejection? For that matter who wants to talk about things that don’t feel good? Not me! But the reality is that we all experience bad things in this life and there’s just no getting around it.

I describe my life in 3 words, “Beauty from Ashes”. In Isaiah Chapter 61 verse 3 God’s word says “…to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes…” I like that and that is how I view my life. I have given God all the yukky stuff, the ashes of my life, and he has replaced them with a crown of beauty.

Do I stop there? Do I merely thank God for the healing and go along my merry way?

For me the answer is a resounding NO.

If sharing the ashes of my life and the victory over those ashes moves even one life towards healing and wholeness in Him then to me it is worth it. To hide the ashes means that I am ashamed or fearful to share because I am afraid of what others may think of me, where is the healing in that? In Jesus we are “over-comers” and like I always say, “you can’t be an over-comer if you refuse to “come over”.

The Power of Words

Regardless of our age we all have the need to feel liked, loved and valued; to know that we matter. When we experience rejection it crushes us leaving us feeling small and worthless; left unattended it festers into a poor self image and attacks our self-confidence and self-esteem and that my friend can make life very difficult.

Do you ever consider the power behind the words you speak? For example I have three adult children and I have nicknames for all three of them. My oldest son is Ryan James and since he was about two years old I have called him “Ryan-Bob”. Next is my son Justin Louis who I call “Louie” or “Little Louie”, (although he’s not so little anymore!) And then there’s my daughter Randee Gayle who I call “Baby Gayle”. (Yes even at the age of 24!) Nicknames can be fun and endearing, they can make you feel special and unique and as I’ve seen with my adult children nicknames can stick.

Now I’m going to hug the porcupine as I share with you a name that my father used to call me when I was growing up that stuck with me for a number of years, well into my adulthood... “Stupid”.

I want to describe my father to you; my father is one of the funniest people I know. He is quick witted and has the best sense of humor; my father has this engaging way about him that draws you in. I like to think that those are a few of the qualities that I inherited from him. I loved my father dearly, still do. When I was a child I used to wait in the front yard for him to come home; when I saw his vehicle coming up the street there was this feeling of excitement, dad was home! I seemed to always have this need to make my father happy with me; if he was happy then I was happy.

Now hit rewind…we are at my childhood home which always seemed to be filled with quite a bit of tension, tension that my young mind did not understand. My parents had their struggles and the frustrations they felt spilled out into our home life. My father was short on patience and exerted his frustrations verbally. I don’t have the answer as to why I was the one he took his frustrations out on, I just know that I was and it didn’t take much to set him off. That said, it was during those times that he would seek me out and drill me about the issue at hand and it always included my being called stupid.

The power behind that word was fierce and crippling. The rejection I felt from my father when he called me stupid stopped me dead in my tracks and stripped me of all self esteem. I believe that fear of rejection was the driving force behind my need to find favor with him and make him happy with me.

The Scars of Rejection

Rejection can take place at any age and through many experiences, here are a few examples:

• You were not chosen for the team
• Maybe you were not invited to the party
• Or you suffered a break up
• Your spouse cheated
• You were snubbed, ignored by a co-worker or friend

The list of ways we experience rejection in our lives is pretty huge and left unattended can leave us with scars that last a lifetime. It is amazing to me the number of people I minister with whose scars found their roots in rejection; rejection that oftentimes began back when they were mere children. And those scars can cripple us from becoming all that God intended us to be.

Example: In my case I let the power behind the word stupid hold me back from trying out for the team; I didn’t go for that degree because I knew I wasn’t smart enough to succeed. I made some pretty bad choices in my life because I lacked the self esteem to do differently. Those bad choices came with some pretty heavy consequences. What about you? What has dealing with rejection cost you?

Here’s the deal…we cannot escape rejection, it isn’t something that we can really control but we can control our response to it.

So what is your response? Grow thick skin? Act like you’re tough and don’t care? The truth of the matter is…we do care! No one wants to live a life of rejection.

Come Over

I don’t need to understand why my father behaved the way he did in order for me to love him and forgive him. I do believe God can heal my heart and restore my self esteem as I hand these painful memories over to Him. I also believe God can heal my father’s heart and restore whatever brokenness caused him to behave the way he did. We are blessed to serve a God who’s in the business of healing and restoration. When we choose to hand over the ashes of our lives to Him there is healing.

In the beginning of this blog I said, “In Jesus we are “over-comers” and like I always say, “you can’t be an over-comer if you refuse to “come over”. I sincerely believe that.

Who has suffered more rejection than Jesus? His own people rejected Him; they were expecting a conquering king not a suffering servant.

In John chapter 6 even after Jesus performs miracles right before their eyes, still many turned away and rejected Him. Versus 35 and 36 - Then Jesus declared, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty. But as I told you, you have seen me and still you do not believe. That just breaks my heart.

Jesus suffered rejection time and time again… Peter was one of Jesus’ closest friends and a disciple yet he rejected him three times… Judas Iscariot rejected Jesus with a kiss which led to his arrest! Jesus never let it change His course He overcame and He continually handed it all over to his Father.

The rejection of Jesus has not lost momentum:

• Jesus has been rejected in our public schools – no more prayer
• Groups like Brookline Political Action for Peace and Foundation Beyond Belief are fervently petitioning to remove Under God out of the Pledge of Allegiance
• These same groups are also petitioning to remove In God We Trust on our currency
• In Texas at Camp Pendleton an atheist group is demanding the cross be removed commemorating fallen soldiers

Are you getting the picture?

If we are to be like Jesus we are to overcome like Jesus. Sometimes the hurts are harder to overcome, I know all about that. But the healing that takes place in our hearts as we hand over those hurts to Jesus the Comforter of our soul and allow Him to remove the sting and replace it with His loving mercy is so worth it. He promised that He would never leave you nor forsake you and I’m here to tell you, He never will.